I spend a lot of time thinking about relationships and how people treat each other when they are a part of one.
I met a couple this past weekend while visiting San Francisco. The woman glared and rolled eyes and acted horribly toward her partner every time he made a joke or was playful or did something that she found remotely embarrassing. It was really uncomfortable to watch, and I found myself wanting to tell her to chill the eff out. If you can't be goofy and silly and mildly embarrassing around your significant other, who can you be those things with? And, he was in the company of friends - the only person judging his behavior was the girlfriend.
What are some of the best rules that you've learned about being in a relationship? One of my favorites (for love and life) is the idea of: give, and only take what is given. Just the idea of being a giver (the tricky part is to partner yourself with a giver as well), sounds like a recipe for personal success. I'd love to hear some of your pearls of wisdom :)
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9 comments :
Ohhh goodness I could go for days :) The absolute, positive, number 1 thing that I believe in: No one on the outside knows the relationship better than the 2 people that are in it. No matter what other people's thoughts, opinions, ideas are...yours are the only one that matters.
Jon and I know a couple like the one you met in San Fran - no one cares about how the boyfriend is acting, even if he's being ridiculous, but the girlfriend, in making a big deal of it, is the one who ends up looking stupid! it's hard to be around them.
I definitely struggle with the giving/taking idea. Something I have trouble with is understanding that what I give isn't always what Jon can give, but that doesn't make what Jon gives any less meaningful. In fact, giving what is most natural to him is the best thing he can do for him personally and for us as a couple. I'm working on it!
Food for thought... I like this post! I don't even think I can put into words how Bryan and I treat each other or what our relationship rules are, but I know they exist. We just really like each other, so that makes it easy for us to respect each others opinions, treat each other kindly, find each other funny and want to hop on each other at night. Haha!! I think it all starts with genuinely liking each other, not just loving each other, I guess...
I've always been the "giver" and my partners were always "takers" so after my last relationship - I evaluated why each one before didn't work - and that is what I saw. I gave until I had nothing left to give and they always took until there was nothing less to take - therefore ending the relationship. With B, I saw that we both take and give - and it is a never ending cycle - because I get to take, I have more to give and I am never "out". I hope this makes sense.
during our marriage prep counseling sessions we were told to always remember that you compliment each other, you dont complete each other. We are two who people coming together to for one whole marriage, not two halves of people coming together to make one whole person. you have your own hobbies & interests and its important to stay true to those things in any type of relationship. :-)
The give/take thing is so interesting. In just about every past relationship I would GIVE GIVE GIVE until there wasn't anything left. And it was never reciprocal. And I told myself I loved taking care of them/nurturing/doing sweet things, but really, I needed to be taken care of too.
I don't know that I could describe the difference with Matt, but I just don't really have to think about it, because we're just . . . equals.
I think being patient is a big thing for me. I want things done RIGHT NOW and I want behaviors to change THIS SECOND but humans don't work like that.
I've always had lots of rules for my relationships and sometimes, it's good to get rid of the rules. I think that everyone should have an idea of what they will and won't accept, but I think that so many times we give ourselves so many rules that we risk missing out on someone really special. If you had asked me in high school or college if I would end up with someone like LoLo, I would have absolutely said no, but now I couldn't see life any other way.
I think respecting each other's space. People have their comfort zones (whether actual or imaginary) for a reason and it's important not to force them out of that zone, but rather make them comfortable leaving it.
I suck at relationships so I have no rules really. There is a book I heard was good though. It's called Not Your Morher's Rules by Ellen Fein. It's more about how to get a guy than rules while in a relationship though. It's probably a bunch of crap. I downloaded it anyway. Ha.
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