There are so many aspects of being a single girl on the dating scene that I constantly want to gab about on here, but I fear the whole "kiss and tell" sort of thing. I love to read about someone else's dating scenarios, but the idea of sharing my own tales makes me a little anxious.
I've decided though that I'm going to start broaching discussions here and there about general relationship (or lack thereof) dynamics.
Today's discussion: the "who pays?" question.
The first time this issue ever arose for me was at the tender age of 16. I'd moved to Beverly Hills in October of that year, and by the week of Thanksgiving, a boy in my History class approached me and asked if he could take me to dinner.
I remember feeling my face completely flush (I have a serious knack for turning bright red when I'm embarrassed), and the whole "Is he asking me on a date? Or I am reading too much into it? Yes, oh my gosh someone is asking me on a date. I feel like such a grown up!" thought process running through my head in a matter of seconds. I'd just moved to LA, and already a cute guy had asked me for my first real date!
He picked me up that weekend in his BMW, took me to a nice Italian restaurant on Robertson Boulevard, where we enjoyed our pasta and our Coca-Colas, and then when the bill came, he picked it up, glanced it over, did a bit of calculating in his head, and then said to me, Alright, your part is...
I can't remember if my jaw actually hit the floor or if it was just the imaginary jaw in my mind that hit the floor. I was born and raised in the Southern states, where men are gentlemen. They hold doors, they pull out chairs, and they definitely pay for the first few dates.
Then we stopped at a coffee shop after dinner, where I ordered first. The barista then looked at my date and asked, "And for you?" My date replied, "Oh no, we're separate."
I'd decided to be understanding about the meal - maybe he didn't make much money at his after school job or maybe his family didn't have a ton of extra cash to go around (his 5-Series Beamer read otherwise) - but not stepping in to buy my $3.00 latte?
Anyway, fast forward to my mid-20s, and the whole paying-on-a-first-date thing can still sometimes lean toward awkward. More often than not, the guy does pick up the tab without giving me a chance to even feign that I'm putting my card down or getting my wallet out, but every so often, it can still feel sticky.
And don't get me wrong, when I've been in relationships in the past, I certainly grab the bill first so that I can treat, and oftentimes in the past, I've been the one to pay more often than the guy, once we're full-on dating.
As far as first, second, and maybe even third dates go, what do you think the proper etiquette is?
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8 comments :
I think in general whoever asks for the date should expect to pay, that being said I always made an attempt to pay when I was single but usually the guy paid no problem... Seriously , almost 3 years into my current relationship and he's just now allowing me to pay!
I cannot believe that Bly drove a Beamer and didnt offer to pay!! Did u go out with him again? Lol
Whoever does the asking should do the paying. And then after that, dutch is OK.
And that BMW boy, clearly had no manners.
Call me old-fashioned, but if a boy asks you on a date, he pays. In fact, I don't think my boyfriend has ever let me pay for any of our dates in the past...10 years...lol.
Ha, I'd appreciate the fact that they guy actually pays. Call me old fashioned...haha. ;) Whoever asks pays. And your first date experience in LA...that kid had clearly no idea what he was doing or how to treat a lady the right way. :)
As a man, when I invite someone on a first date, I say something like, "I'd like to buy you lunch/dinner/whatever next Tuesday. Would you like to go?" Takes the awkwardness right out.
oh my gosh this is the biggest reason why i HATE going on dates... i absolutely hate the end part of doing the bill shuffle. I am very stubborn so if i want to pay or split i can usually get my way. but a big part of me thinks the guys should pay especially on the first few dates. but i almost don't know how to just say thanks and let it go. uggg hhhaatteee it!
I like that you are going to talk about dating and relationships and such more. And as for who pays, whoever asks I think. Coming from the South I should probably say the guy but I'm like you when I'm in an actual relationship then I tend to treat some too. P.S. I also turn bright red when embarrassed. It's horrible.
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