You know that moment when someone makes a comment to you, and it's a comment that they will never again think about having said, but it's a comment nonetheless that strikes a chord with you, and remains with you, for years to follow?
On the social scale, I had a hard time growing up. When I moved from South Carolina at the age of 8, my parents enrolled my little sister and me at a tiny (tiny!) private school in Southeastern Kentucky. They wanted us to have a strong education, and my dad wanted us to attend Catholic school to learn more about the religious background with which he and my mom were raised.
By the fifth grade, I was riddled with insecurities. I was a chubby 10-year-old, not considered "cool" like some of the other girls, and I didn't come from a well-off family like so many of my classmates did. I was smart, which often translated to being a smart alec (which oftentimes, I was). And who likes a smart alec?
I'm sure I was occasionally a pain in my teacher's side, chatting frequently with classmates. But I overcompensated for my insecurities with being overly social and trying to make up for the places in which I lacked, with being socially capable.
I remember one day in particular when one of my teachers called me out in front of the entire class. She said to me somewhat flippantly, "You are quite the social butterfly. But let me tell you: sometimes, it's not a good thing. You talk entirely too much for your own good, Lacey."
Being called out as an adult in front of colleagues, is embarrassing in itself. Your cheeks flush, your adrenaline pumps. But as a ten-year-old, can you remember the way it made you feel? Your entire body turns pink with embarrassment, you begin to tremble because the adrenaline is pumping so hard, and you feel beyond humiliated.
I took the "social butterfly" comment really personally.
On top of the other insecurities that so many girls deal with at that pre-pubescent stage (what a terrible stage!), I was then made aware that the amount of talking that I did was troublesome and possibly unattractive.
I did eventually bury this memory in the back of my mind for a few years through high school and college. However, when a work friend playfully referred to me recently as a "social butterfly", those two words, strung together, triggered the memory from fifteen years ago and really got me to thinking.
The quality that is, admittedly, one of the strongest qualities about myself, had been publicly looked down upon by someone to whom I looked up to as a child. My conversation skills and my personable attitude were not encouraged by an adult whose strongest purpose in her career should be to identify the talents and skills of her pupils and encourage them to build upon them. And today, as a high functioning adult in a sales career, I absolutely bank on my skills to speak to people. To make them like me. To help them trust me. I bank on my ability to identify and socialize and be a - dare I say it? - social butterfly.
So my 25-year-old self now thinks: thank goodness I took my "not good" trait, and I ran with it.
***
The kid that is way more argumentative than you are comfortable with, may be the next best criminal prosecutor this country's ever seen. Or that kid that dances to a beat that the rest of us don't yet hear, might be the next Madonna or Lady Gaga. And the girl in the front of the classroom that insists on being a social butterfly, might have a promising career as a salesperson ahead of her, with the ability to prove that she can work her butt off and make a life for herself, on her own, in the three biggest cities in the country by the age of 21, based on her social skills and work ethic.
The possibilities are limitless - but encouragement from the beginning to ensure that our next generation feels confident in their talent, is so important.
xoxo.
7 comments :
Yayyyy you're back! I love this. You're so right. I had a very similar experience but when I was in 8th grade. My teacher made me sit at a table by myself because she said I talked too much. The whole class was at tables with others but I had to sit by the door by myself. She called me the "loquacious one". It was pretty humiliating and just made me feel like I had to be louder and funnier so that it didn't seem like I was embarrassed to be sitting there.
I love that you've turned your "bad quality" into an amazing career. I think I did the same thing in my admissions career and now in my career working with professors and others around the world.
This just brought tears rolling down my cheek and yes I know it's not a super emotional story or whatever, but I can get emotional at any given time. ;) I think, one of my teachers screwed me up when I was 9 and 10. I have always been a talker and was punished in class to recite super long and boring poems I did not even know the meaning of. I was punished for being me. Learning these poems within a day prepared me for the future in a way that I know how to learn lines faster (which is silly!!) but by punishing me she might have hindered me doing what I do best. TALK. :)
Thanks for this post, and even though we haven't met personally know that I am proud of you and your accomplishments!!!!
xoxo
I like this post. Thought provoking. I truly wish that if I had one thing it was the ability to talk to everyone about anything! Being a nurse I have to talk to people and that's pretty easy most the time. But outside of work it's harder for me because I'm always kinda quiet when I first meet people. So I take social butterfly to be a blessing. Especially for you being in sales, that's a job requirement!
I like this post. Thought provoking. I truly wish that if I had one thing it was the ability to talk to everyone about anything! Being a nurse I have to talk to people and that's pretty easy most the time. But outside of work it's harder for me because I'm always kinda quiet when I first meet people. So I take social butterfly to be a blessing. Especially for you being in sales, that's a job requirement!
I like this post. Thought provoking. I truly wish that if I had one thing it was the ability to talk to everyone about anything! Being a nurse I have to talk to people and that's pretty easy most the time. But outside of work it's harder for me because I'm always kinda quiet when I first meet people. So I take social butterfly to be a blessing. Especially for you being in sales, that's a job requirement!
So true Lace, thanks for the reminder :) Sometimes it's hard to remember that we need to be kind to people no matter what, because we never know how our words or actions are going to affect them in the future.
i think you and i have a lot in common. i moved a lot before i was 8 and then i finally got settled in a place and was the same as you...a 'social butterfly'. luckily, my dad, who had a career in sales, encouraged it...he just told me when id get in trouble in school for talking to 'make sure i let others talk too'. so then the next time i got in trouble, my friends were in trouble with me ;) but really, aside from that, this skill has actually allowed me to make new friends when i travel every single TIME i travel. it also allowed for me to be unusually good and outgoing in my sales job in the US.
what i have learned in the last 4 years however, is that im an introvert. i never in a million years thought i was introverted at all since i had lots of friends and was the most outgoing person i knew. and i LOVE giving speeches and presentations in front of large audiences. but ive come to terms with it and appreciate that when im in social situations, im a social butterfly, and when i want to sit at home by myself with music and no one else...it's totally ok too. :)
i totally agree that people should be encouraged to be who they are and let those strengths and characteristics shine, not end up repressed. glad you didnt listen when you were told that :)
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